


if i tremble

by crunchrapsupreme



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anal Fingering, Body Worship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Prostate Massage, Self Confidence Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-31
Updated: 2015-10-31
Packaged: 2018-04-29 02:09:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5112419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crunchrapsupreme/pseuds/crunchrapsupreme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Suga is trying to stay pieced together, but he's gradually being torn apart, broken up into a thousand little pieces, self doubt weighing his body down like a ton of bricks. </p><p>But luckily for him, Daichi isn't willing to let him break that easily.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if i tremble

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sweggscellent](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweggscellent/gifts).



> tumblr user trashcollect gave me an incredibly long list of things she'd like to see in a daisuga fic and i tried to include every single one of those things B)

It’s tougher than he thought it would be, doing the right thing. If ‘the right thing’ is even the correct way to put it.

He knows, logically, it’s going to be better for the team, here on out. He knows it’s going to be more beneficial, and _really_ , he’s a third year now. He’s at that point in his life where making sacrifices is only natural. He’ll be going to university next year, probably giving up volleyball for good, so doing ‘the right thing’ in these last months is really the highest form of giving back he can do as a third year.

It doesn’t make it any less painful, though.

Kageyama is good. Naturally, and it’s a talent that he doesn’t need to express very vividly for people to just _know_. He’s confident enough in what he does, and it doesn’t take him nearly as long to perfect each player’s preferred setting technique as it did for Suga. And even now, Suga still fucks that up sometimes. But it’s okay, it’s _fine_. The team still needs him.

Right?

He sighs and scrubs a hand over his face before kneeling down to finish lacing up his regular shoes, practice having ended a while ago. He knows Daichi’s outside sitting on the steps, waiting for him so they can walk home together and do their homework like they’ve done since they were first years, and Suga tugs at his laces harder than necessary as he thinks of, well, _Daichi_.

Dating Daichi comes as naturally as breathing. Being with him, talking to him, pressing up against him. Suga’s pretty sure he’s been in love with Daichi since the first day they met, and although he never would admit it out loud, he’s pretty sure Daichi’s the only reason he has any sort of belief in himself in the first place.

Also, fuck, have you _seen_ him?

Suga groans internally as he thinks about the first time they touched each other, the first time Daichi freely let Suga roam his hands over the valleys of muscles and tanned flesh, strong and firm beneath his fingertips. Suga remembers thinking about his own body then, his own appearance; it was a thing he never really thought about too much before Daichi first pressed him up against the locker room wall and kissed him their second year.

And maybe it’s just everything, everything piling up over time that has him feeling so weighed down lately, and he hopes to god Daichi won’t notice, because the last person he wants to know about his own shitty insecurities is Daichi. Suga wants to come off as strong and prideful, just like their captain. He wants to be known for his level headedness, not his broken mindset.

“Hey, are you done yet?”

Suga jerks his head up, sees Daichi peeking into the locker room doorway, changed and ready to go.

Daichi smiles at him. “You’re taking longer than usual. You okay?”

“Yeah,” Suga responds, clearing his throat before grinning and standing up, grabbing his bag and jacket that he’s slung over the bench. “Your house or mine tonight?”

Daichi shrugs and holds open the door for him as they make their way out, and once they’re on the sidewalk, headed away from the school, Daichi threads their fingers together and squeezes gently, giving Suga a small smile. Suga grows warm, and ducks his head slightly, biting his lip on a grin as he presses closer.

“Let’s do your house tonight,” Suga says, and Daichi hums, idly swinging their arms together as they continue on in a comfortable silence down the sidewalk until they reach his door a while later. The air is beginning to chill, and Suga shivers a bit as he waits for Daichi to unlock the door, pressing closer to the taller teen until they are finally inside the warmth of the house.

“Wanna do homework now, or later?” Daichi asks, and there’s a hopeful undertone to his voice that has Suga rolling his eyes, shoving at Daichi’s shoulder in the direction of the bedroom.

“Alright, fine, let’s watch a movie or something now, _then_ we’ll study. Deal?”

Daichi grins at him.

\--

They end up curled up on Daichi’s bed, watching a movie from the small laptop screen at the foot of the mattress. Daichi is paying more attention to Suga, to be honest. Or, more specifically, his neck, where his face is currently buried, lips kissing soft trails along the skin, up to the hidden mole behind his ear. Suga giggles, ticklish, but doesn’t shove Daichi away, instead letting the distraction happen.

When Daichi’s hand rubs over his stomach, though, Suga jerks a bit and reaches down, gripping Daichi by the wrist, and fuck, it’s not like Daichi’s never seen him _naked_ before, Suga thinks, but for some reason he finds himself shrinking, ducking his head, picturing his own bony, lanky body alongside Daichi’s own sturdy, attractive one, and it makes his stomach twist in discomfort.

Daichi notices his stiffness, and he pulls away, leaning up on his elbow and peering down at Suga, the movie at the foot of the bed long forgotten as he says, “Hey, what’s up? Are you okay?”

Suga wants to say, _“Yeah,”_ wants to say, “ _I’m fine, just a little exhausted lately, no big deal._ ” He wants to reassure Daichi the way the taller boy always reassures him. He wants to be completely put together even though he’s feeling so torn apart.

But, this time, he can’t seem to get the words out, and he chokes on a hollow laugh, fingers gripping Daichi’s wrist tighter as he looks up at Daichi with honest eyes and says, quietly,

“I’ll be okay, don’t worry.”

Which is true, in a way. He _will_ be okay, one day in the future. That day is not today, though.

But it’s fine. He’s fine. He’s _fine, he’s -_

“Hey, _hey_ , shh,” Daichi says suddenly, and Suga’s shaking, not even having noticed the tremors wracking his body until Daichi places his hands on either side of Suga’s face, thumbs running soothingly across Suga’s cheeks. “You’re okay. Talk to me? Please? You’ve been acting different lately. What’s going on?”

“I’m sorry,” Suga eventually manages to wheeze out, because the walls he’s built up so carefully around himself are crumbling down and there’s nothing he can do to hide the raw bleeding flesh beneath the thick skin he’s carved out from his brain. “I just want to - I’m _trying_. I’m trying, and I just want to do what’s best. F-for the team.”

“What? What are you talking about?” Daichi asks, brows furrowing. “What do you mean ‘what’s best for the team’?”

“Just - um,” Suga says, and Daichi sits up, watching as Suga follows suit, shuffling into an upright position and tucking his knees to his chest. He starts picking at the skin around his nails. “I know I’m not, like - I’m not as skilled as Kageyama, and - ”

“What? Is that why you’ve been acting so weird lately?” Daichi interrupts, looking almost angry. Suga huffs a bit and sinks further into himself.

“Not - well, not really? Kind of? I’m sorry, you’re just. You’re so _attractive_ , and I’m just over here, too… too _lanky_ , and awkward, and getting replaced by a _first year_ , and - and why would you even want _me_? You could have _anyone_.”

Suga cuts himself off with a cough, trying to will the stinging in his eyes to go away, and he’s too scared to look up, too terrified to see the pitying expression of disappointment on Daichi’s face as he realizes that yes, he _could_ have anyone. Why the fuck would he stay with an unattractive, mediocrely-skilled boy like Suga?

Suga jumps a bit when he feels a hand on his knee, firm but gentle, and when he lets his gaze glance up to Daichi’s face he sees... fondness? And a little bit of exasperation, but nothing akin to disappointment or disgust. Suga sucks in a sharp breath when Daichi slides a hand down to his ankle, tugging insistently until Suga stretches his legs back out, and then Daichi’s laying him back down flat on the mattress, crawling in between Suga’s legs and splaying his hands on the smaller teen’s ribs.

“There are so many things wrong with what you just said,” Daichi starts off, shaking his head slightly. “First of all, Kageyama isn’t _you_. He has his own way of doing things, just like you have your own way of doing things. You guys have the same position, but you play it _extremely_ differently. You do realize that you connect with the team far superiorly than he does, right? They _listen_ to you, Koushi.”

Suga’s mouth is dry, his hands fiddling with the hem of his tee shirt, and Daichi continues,

“The team _needs_ you. God, you’re like the damn pillar that holds us all up, you know that?”

“Thats - I’m not - ”

“Shh,” Daichi interrupts, sliding one of his hands up to cup Suga’s cheek, and then he’s closing his eyes, pressing their foreheads together gently. “And as far as you thinking you’re unattractive? Um, _no_.”

“But - but you’re so…” Suga breathes out, trailing off at the end because Daichi’s just _so_ , and Suga’s so _not_.

Daichi pulls back, hand still cupping Suga’s face, and he slides it down to the side of Suga’s neck, thumb grazing his jaw. “So are you,” he whispers, and when Suga’s eyes narrow in protest, Daichi grins, says, “You’re _gorgeous_.”

He cups Suga’s face with both hands this time, and Suga makes a quiet noise in the back of his throat, hands coming up to grip Daichi’s waist tightly, feeling the muscles flex beneath his fingers. Daichi kisses him, then, all slow and soft, and Suga finally lets his eyes close, hands trembling as they slide up the back of Daichi’s shirt. Daichi bites gently on Suga’s lower lip, and Suga makes a gasping noise and digs his nails into Daichi’s shoulders, defined and perfect and _god_ , how did he get so fucking lucky? Daichi is a work of fucking _art_.

The air is warm, and when Daichi pulls back, Suga can’t help but unconsciously lean forward, chasing the taller boy’s mouth, and his eyes flutter open when Daichi chuckles at him, fingers tucking a lock of hair behind Suga’s ear.

Suga flushes at Daichi’s smile, and when Daichi’s fingers slip down to the hem of his tee shirt, Suga bites his lip, averting his eyes but not trying to shove him away again.

“Can I?” Daichi asks, thumbs already grazing the skin stretched taut over Suga’s protruding hipbones, and Suga gives a quick nod, lifting his arms up as Daichi pulls the piece of clothing off and tosses it to the floor. His eyes gaze questioningly at Suga as he tugs at the hem of his shorts, and Suga hesitates for a brief moment before letting out a shuddery sigh and nodding again. Daichi’s smile puts him at ease, though, and Suga doesn’t know why he’s so nervous _now_ of all times. They’ve been sexually intimate with each other many times before, but Suga’s just… been feeling so, so torn apart lately. So _unworthy_ of the affections Daichi showers him with, of the touches and kisses and everything in between. Daichi deserves so much more.

“Why’re you suddenly so shy, hm?” Daichi murmurs, crawling back up between Suga’s legs once he’s successfully rid him of his shorts, leaving him in just his boxer briefs. Daichi’s still fully clothed, and when Suga frowns and tugs insistently at Daichi’s sleeve, the taller boy chuckles before taking it off.

Suga lets his eyes roam the toned, muscled body in front of him, but then he lets his eyes glance down at his own self, flat and bony and -

“I know what you’re doing,” Daichi says softly, parting Suga’s legs and cutting off his train of thought. His hands are large and tan against the pale, smooth skin of Suga’s thighs, and when Daichi digs his nails in just shy of painful, dragging them up his inner thighs slowly, so fucking _slowly_ , Suga gasps and darts his hands down to grip Daichi’s hair, nails digging into his scalp for something to hold on to. Daichi smiles, darts down to kiss the small cluster of moles on Suga’s hip as he murmurs against the skin, “Let me show you how beautiful I think you are.”

“Um,” Suga squeaks out, face turning pink, but then Daichi’s shimmying up his body, gripping one of Suga’s hands in his own and bringing his wrist to his lips. Suga’s wrists are small and delicate looking compared to Daichi’s broader ones, almost breakable, but then Daichi’s pressing his mouth to the inside of his wrist, the skin translucent and veiny, and Suga exhales shakily when Daichi’s tongue traces the thin skin there. His mouth slides to the palm of his hand, and then further, until he’s kissing each of Suga’s trembling fingertips. It’s terrifyingly intimate, and Suga feels his fingers twitch when Daichi takes a couple into his mouth, lighting swirling his tongue over the digits and causing warmth to idly pool deep in Suga’s belly.

When Daichi pulls back and grins softly, his eyes stray to the mole beneath Suga’s eye. “God,” he breathes, “I can’t even count on both hands how many times I imagined counting every mole and freckle on your body before we started dating.”

“They’re just moles,” Suga says meekly, blinking up widely at Daichi above him.

“They’re so fucking _cute_ ,” Daichi responds, his voice terse, like the thought almost pains him, and Suga giggles nervously when Daichi’s fingers slide down the side of his neck, running gently over a couple of moles right beneath the delicious dip of Suga’s collarbone.

And then he’s latching his mouth over them, biting down and sucking _hard_ , and Suga’s hands fly up to his mouth, teeth clamping down on his knuckle to muffle his groan.

Daichi pulls back abruptly, sliding his hands down Suga’s shoulder, down his biceps and trailing over his forearms until he’s linking their fingers and tugging the hands away from Suga’s face, clutching them together and pressing them to the mattress above Suga’s head.

“I want to hear you,” Daichi murmurs, leaning down to kiss Suga again, and when Daichi rubs his thigh in between Suga’s legs, Suga gasps and exhales shakily into Daichi’s mouth, lips quivering and wet as Daichi nudges their noses together, exhaling right back.

He rubs his thigh harder, sliding his lips to the mole right below Suga’s ear and sucking at the skin there, and Suga _moans_ , eyes fluttering shut as he scratches his nails through Daichi’s hair once again, reveling in the way the other male seems to almost purr against him. Suga can’t help it when he tilts his head down and nuzzles Daichi’s temple, whining quietly as Daichi licks at the abused skin of his neck, blossoming pink under his lips.

“You’re so much more than you give yourself credit for,” Daichi says against his skin, pulling back after a moment and tugging Suga’s boxers off until Suga’s lying there completely naked under Daichi’s gaze. “You’re _everything_.”

“Daichi - _please_ ,” Suga manages, shifting his legs open wider and watching as Daichi’s gaze grows almost predatory, soaking him in before the taller boy reaches into the bedside drawer and grabs the small bottle of lube he keeps there. He coats his fingers, his other hand placed firmly on Suga’s knee, thumb rubbing circles into the bone, and when he circles one finger around Suga’s hole, the smaller teen squeezes his eyes shut and grabs at the sheets.

And then Daichi’s licking a trail up his stomach, until he can latch his mouth around one of Suga’s nipples, biting gently and sighing through his nose when he hears Suga’s mewls, chest arching into his mouth, and when Daichi finally breaches Suga’s hole, sinking in to the knuckle, Suga practically _writhes_.

“ _O-oh_ ,” Suga breathes out, reaching up a hand to cup the back of Daichi’s neck, squeezing tightly for something to hold on to. “More, please, _please_.”

“Well, since you asked so nicely,” Daichi teases, smiling gently at Suga’s halfhearted glare, but the sharp gaze quickly dissolves when Daichi squeezes in another finger, curling his fingers just so and brushing against Suga’s prostate.

Suga _arches_ , his back forming a perfect bow, his ribs protruding out as he chokes on a moan, and Daichi’s breath catches at the sight of him.

“There?” he murmurs, crawling up Suga’s body so he can kiss at his neck again, lips gentle as he massages inside of Suga, fingers rubbing over that spot deliberately, expertly, until Suga’s quivering beneath him, voice a chorus of moans and murmurs of Daichi’s name. His hair is strewn against the pillow he’s lying on, messy, and a few strands stick to his face with sweat.

Daichi brushes the hair away from Suga’s eyes, taking in the pink flush on the other boy’s cheeks, the mole below his eye, his lips parted and soft-looking. “God, you’re so sexy. Do you realize how fucking hot you are? Do you know what you _do_ to me everyday?”

Suga opens his eyes and stares up at Daichi, eyes wide open and glittering in the light from the bedside lamp. “I - ”

“No, just,” Daichi cuts him off, burying his face in Suga’s neck. “You don’t… you don’t have to say anything. I just need you to believe me, okay? Do you?”

Suga swallows, body twitching and stomach coiling when Daichi thrusts his fingers in again, and he whines, wrapping his arms tight around Daichi’s shoulders. “I believe you. I do, I p-promise, okay?”

Even if Suga isn’t one hundred percent okay yet, he can try a little harder to get there. He has Daichi, and Daichi makes him feel everything he can’t feel for himself. He’s like the push that drives him forward, and it’s _okay_ to need help sometimes, Suga thinks. It’s okay.

Daichi twists his fingers again, kissing up Suga’s neck, and Suga gasps brokenly, clutching tightly to Daichi’s broad shoulder, grinding down into the pulse of his fingers, and _oh_ , god, fuck, he’s so _close_.

“I’m - I’m gonna - _fuck_ , fuckfuck _fuck_ ,” Suga whines, toes curling and heels digging into the mattress because Daichi is absolutely _relentless_ , rhythm quick and steady, and his fingers are thick, long, _perfect_.

“Shit,” Daichi breathes against Suga’s cheek. “I love how vocal you get, fuck, c’mon, come for me, yeah?”

Suga _whines_ , high and stuttered and lewd, and then he’s coming between them, warmth blooming against their chests, and Suga shakes violently as he rides out his orgasm, clenching around Daichi’s fingers and scratching welts into Daichi’s shoulders with his nails. It’s hot, and electrifying, and he feels so _close_ to Daichi, so close, like he could sink into the taller boy’s skin, merge like sugar and water, melt together and become one. The thought gives Suga butterflies, and he takes a deep, calming breath as Daichi pulls his fingers out and grabs a tissue to clean them both up.

When Daichi climbs back onto the mattress, spooning up behind Suga, Suga makes a noise of tired protest, wriggling around in Daichi’s arms and pressing against him, feeling Daichi’s erection bump his thigh.

“Do you want me to…?” Suga whispers, and Daichi just grins and shakes his head, cupping Suga’s cheek.

“Nope. Tonight’s about you. I’m fine.”

“But I _want_ to,” Suga whines, frowning, and Daichi just rolls his eyes, wrapping Suga up in his arms tightly.

“No. Now go to sleep, okay? And when you wake up, I’m going to count every single one of your moles, trace every inch of your body with my mouth, and then fuck you until you believe me when I say how important you are. Not just to me, but to everybody.”

Suga snorts, but his chest swells with warmth. “You’re gonna use your dick to fuck confidence into me?”

Daichi smiles against the crown of Suga’s head. “You fucking bet I am.”

And in the morning, after lazy kisses are exchanged before even lazier, pliant, early morning sex, Suga just holds onto Daichi tight, breathing out slowly as if he’s expelling all of his insecurities, even if just for today, because there’s always tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, and Suga knows Daichi will be there for every single moment of his downfalls.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on [tumblr](https://www.crunchrapsupreme.tumblr.com)!! currently taking prompts \o/


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